“I have reborn so many times I can be my own doula”
Sometimes, to grow
you must execute yourself
to rise again
from your ashes
as a better you.
This is rebirthing.
How did it happen to me?
I was climbing up a mountain for a few years. I took down massive battles in my course. I held my ground and kept climbing. My climb was swift at times and strenuous other times. I kept climbing.
Until I reached the highest height of the mountain. I could see the horizon. I want to be beyond the horizon. It was beautiful and painful. I knew I had to rise higher. This mountain could no longer serve to get me to my desired height.
So I looked for a way forward. All the routes from that point were moving downwards. I didn’t want to go down. I had accomplished the climb.
Ahead was a world’s end. A drop straight into the flowing water. So my only way forward was to jump. I didn’t know how deep or how dangerous my fall could be. I somehow knew I would be alright.
I risked it all and I jumped.
The moments before my jump still haunt me. I remember I thought of how majestic it is at the highest point of my mountain. I could camp out there. It was cold and I could get used to my shivers. I heard voices of people who love and care for me. Their voices said don’t jump stay here, its safe here. I thought about it. It wasn’t going to get me where I am meant to go.
My fall was a slow-motion happy fall. Like one of those Keanu Reaves falls in Matrix.
As soon as my body collapsed with cold icy water, I cried. I cried and let my fears out. They all came to the surface and started swimming along with me. I climbed them one by one. And they dissolved in the water one by one.
Looking up, I could see the height from which I had jumped. I wished I hadn’t jumped. Because the shivers there were yet warmer than the ice my bones were fighting now in the water.
I froze. I froze. I froze. I lost my sight. I lost my hearing. I lost my voice.
And there was no one to help me.
Water, once my savior was now causing my death.
The cells with my earliest life given to me inside my mother’s womb started screaming and shouting. They sent burning lava of love through my body. I started to breathe the water. I let it come inside me and leave out of me with peace. And I opened my eyes. My sight came back, my hearing came back, my voice came back all with greater powers than before. All without any corruptions like before. All together from within my first life.
This is when I experienced my rebirth for the first time.